Mom talked about it over breakfast and I'm so glad there was only me and Ivan there...I always feel this topic is never really a good topic to discuss with my family....Mom asked me what do I wanna do after SPM,she asked me if I was sure of going into psychology,but I often feel reluctant to answer her.Not that my parents are the type that wants me to go into specific fields or anything,I think I'm one those who are really lucky cause my parents allows me to choose whatever I want to do..."as long as it makes you happy and you would enjoy studying it.."that's what they always tell me and my brothers.



It's not that it's a taboo subject but I always find it very heart aching every time we talk about this and yea....I can't help crying when this topic arouses.Mom told me a lot about Edmund before he decided to go for law,my mom really wanted me to go for form 6 because she strongly believes that form 6 is a period where one would grow to be more mature and by that time one would be ready to chose what to study in uni or college,but the only problem is she knows and I know very well that I won't be able to do form 6 cause I'm weak in science subjects and if I go into arts for form 6 it would be a waste of time cause it's in BM.I know mom is not trying to discourage me or anything but she needs to ask me to make me feel more reassured of my choice.



Going to HELP to study psychology is the best place possible but the money is one problem and the other is my mom is afraid I would get bad influence or socially affected.I can't say it's not true...she's afraid that I'm not ready enough for college life and the next thing is she's worried about me not being able to fully focus.She asked me am I ready for that and the problems that she mentioned....I just answered that I won't be able to promise anything.I was busy tearing up.....but poor Ivan sat there,pulling tissues out from the tissue box one after another for me.My family has this trait where anyone of us cries the other would cry as well....too emotional lar all of us.



I want to go into HELP because they have te best psychology program but most probably with my dad's retirement coming up next year...that doesn't seem like an option anymore.other than HELP...the next one that offers quite a good program is UCSI.Aaarrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so ma fan lar!my head is so confused and now I'm starting to question myself...suddenly I seem so lost and I feel frustrated thinking about what is right or wrong for me. Other than going for psychology I don't know what else I can go for.I suddenly feel like my talent or whatever ability I have is that limited...



Mom knows that I'm aching and feeling very lost so she just told me to focus now and just do my best in SPM first.I know....but there's too much going through my head now and jia rong was just commentting yesterday that I have a lot of white hair because I think to much and I thought it was a random joke...guess not.



God...I'm confused,I'm lost and I'm too tired to keep questioning myself.Save ME!!!!