Wow it's 12 already and I'm still online..hmm..bet Rong would say,"Carmen Wong online at this hour!?" HAHAHA! I just got back form some charity dinner at Pavillion. OMG!! That was like one of the worst dinners I've ever been to. It's actually to raise funds for the earthquake victims in China. They had okay food but really sucky entertainment!

They got all these kids to sing and dance and all the songs they sang were like these mandarine nursery ryhmes. So annoying! Plus the sound system was horrible so it was really terrible to be in there. Then they had an auction...guess what items were being auctioned? drum roll please.. "electrical appliances!" Someone bid nearly 10,000 for an air-cond!

The worst part of the entire night was when someone volunteered to pay 15,ooo for this Datuk to sing. OMG, he sang all these mandarine songs from the last century which was so unbearable..He's voice is horrible! Totally pitchy and out of tune!! We had to cover our ears when he sang and plus the 'wonderful' sound system..our ears were about to explode! We can't even hear each other the entire time.Shesh..glad we left almost immediately when it ended or else I think I might suffocate in there.

Not that I hate helping out works of charity but this is so totally a China Man affair! Everyone's so "Apek"..they scream here and there and kept yelling Yum Seng every 5 minutes! Ivan said there shoud be at least 40% drunkards in the room..and I think there's more than just 40%! From now on, NO MORE such dinners for me! I'd rather eat Maggi Mee at home than to go out for stupid events like this.

haizz..anyways..glad that's over!

A special video dedicated to none other than Krystal Lee, well..cause she's the one in it anyway, so here's to you! Enjoy! Wonder if you'll be eating any more burgers soon?? All the indian ladies are like making you stuff that big burger down..sad la..well at least you didn't have a gigantic crowd yelling "EAT!EAT!" like me..that was really making me sick..hahaha...still enjoy the clip!

P/S : The laughing effects are mostly by mua...

It's the third day already since I came back from camp and my cough went from bad to worse now. Everytime I cough, it's like my lungs are on the verge of popping out to say "TA DA!" Fever has subsided now I think but still having flu. Luckily I'm not the only sad soul who's sick.. Krystal is having the exact conditions as I am. Yeay! Got teman!

I just noticed that I'm constantly thinking of a lot of happy moments I had encountered. It's not something peculiar but it's like as if I'm afraid of not being able to make it till tomorrow to recall all of them. Sometimes I feel there's this gigantic clock hung right at the top of me and as every second passes my time on Earth goes lesser and lesser. But let's not get morbid.. Life rocks! Whether rain or shine, light or darkness.. Life is full miracles and wonders.

The littlest thing can actually put a smile on anyone's face but the only question is, are we too occupied to know how to appreciate them? I like it when I sit in one place and just looking at everyone else going about their daily activities and affairs. It's like as if time stopped for me and I'm like a 'Watcher'. It's not exactly fun or anything but I enjoy it..it makes me see so much beyond the surface and it's relaxing for me. Oh well, I'm a weird person with weird hobbies..hahaha!

Speaking of happy memories and happy moments check out this few links to look at some pictures I took in Bethany Camp~ (yes,Krystal..I've uploaded them..so go get them n start ranting bout ur kid..!)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=119849&l=c5479&id=567510583
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=120107&l=e9c7f&id=567510583
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=120130&l=e2749&id=567510583

Ah Singh!

Got this from an e-mail... hahaha..it's quite funny! Enjoy!

1. A Singh who is a sailor?
> Kapal Singh

2. A Singh who attends a Chinese wedding party?
> Yum Singh

3. A Singh who is digging a hole?
> Menggali Singh

4. A Singh who likes to slap people?
> Tau Ba Singh

5. A Singh who is a gangster?
> SamSingh

6. A Singh who is lost?
> MisSingh

7. A Singh who is noisy?
> BiSingh

8. A Singh who likes herbs?
> Gin Singh

9. A Singh who kills people?
> AssasSingh

10. A Singh with one ball?
> Balwant Singh (Ball One Singh)

11. A Singh with two balls?
> BalanSingh (as in balancing!)

12. A Singh with three balls?
> AMAZING!

13. A Singh who is swimming in an iced pool?
> KuldipSingh (Cool Deep Sink)

14. A Singh who likes to drink soybean milk?
> Yeoh Hap Singh

15. A Singh who owns a ship that sank?
> No la, not Titanic Singh. He’s KaramSingh

16. A Singh who is sacked from the national hockey team?
> RelaxSingh

17. A Singh who is a lausySingh?
> OwtarSingh

18. A Singh who likes roundabouts?
> PuSingh

19. A Singh who is flying around on a broom?
> Sou Pa Singh

20. A Singh who is a three- star general?
> Sam Lap Singh (Cantonese)

21. If Sikhs were to succeed in forming their own country, what will they call their currency?
> Mata Wang Ah Singh

22. Then what do you call a Singh who likes to scold people?
> TiewNiaSingh!

Tagged

The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player than tags 5 people and posts their names, than goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they done got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

What was I doing 10 years ago (1998)?
1) Er..drilling chalks with my aunt's electric tooth brush?
2) Pouring all the pepper from the kitchen into an envelope and stashing it in some corner of the house
3) Watching TV the moment I come back form school
4) 'Forgetting' to do my homework
5) trying to change ivan's dypers???


5 things on my to-do list today
1) Where did this come from???
2) Study Econs..
3) EAT!
4) Upload photos from Bethany Home Camp
5) Ask my dad for this week's allowance which he had 'carefully forgot'


5 Snacks I enjoy
1) Chacos (is this how u spell it??)
2) Mister Potato..any flavor but sour cream and onion
3) Cheddar Cheese..!
4) Cookies!!!!
5) M&M's...peanut is my fav...others are great too


5 Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1) Buy myself a BMW, black!
2) Buy a gigantic Villa for my family (I share wan...)
3) Gloat at my brothers..(how can I resist???)
4) Start a Counseling clinic and earn big bucks from big companies!!!!
5) Go around the world in more than 80 days!Of course with my best mates...but would love to bring different people with me everytime..


5 of my bad habits
1) Talk to fast when I'm panicing/stressed/anxious/nervous...all those feelings la
2) Easily agitated (especially by my brothers!)
3) Mumble off and on
4) Last minute work...bleh!
5) Not eating on time..?


5 places I have lived
1) Cheras..my own house
2) Cheras..my grandma's place
3) HK??? not really counted...
4) Only got one house la..
5) MALAYSIA!!!!


5 people I tag:
1) Maybelle
2) Jane
3) Tarrant
4) Marcus
5) Ed

Memories From Bethany Home

Warning...really long post ahead!!!And I Mean REALLY LONG!!!

May 23rd,

Up we go the bus from Pudu Raya and on to Teluk Intan, Perak! The 14 of us (Ms Khoo, Me, Krystal, Wen Jo, Xin Ying, Yoong Jie, Andrew, Kumaran, Dennis, Eunice, Jessica, Tze Kang, Jia Hui & Pon) gathered at Pudu Raya to board the 4 pm bus. But the bus decided to arrive only at 4:15 or so and did I mention that the platform is freaking HOT!? We're all sweating so much that we literally bathed in our sweat.Haha..ew?Yea,not like we could do much about it.


The ride was about 3 hours plus and we got on a bus that was old and it made this stupid cranky engine sound but it was bearable. We played cards along the way and managed to get an hour's sleep before we got down at Simpang 4. The stupid driver dropped us some where before Bethany Home and we had to walk with our all so 'small' luggage.

Bethany Home is a school for disabled children and it was actually quite big. So we got two classrooms, one for the guys and one for us gals. We went for dinner at some mamak across the road cause there's prctically nothing else we can eat and the area seems stranded so what to do?

After dinner,we all took turns to bathe, while we wait for our turn we all talked and played more poker. So guess what time we all slept??? HAhaha....I think we really pissed Ms Khoo cause we all only got into bed at 2 plus though she already asked us to sleep at 12 but we pushed it further and further cause we're too occupied with playing truth or dare. =p Sorry Ms Khoo.. XD


May 24,

We got up at 6 something and went out for breakfast at 7 something. Guess what we had?? YUP! Mamak again! There's seriously no other food to choose from and we're running late too. I think at about 8:45 we got back and Mr Jayasingh gave an intro and we each had to pick at random from this basket for our groups and our kid. We had to take care one kid each and mind you most of us had no idea what was installed for us!

Me >> Hooi Bor (11 year old kid with down syndrome and is mentally retarded but is the cutest though he's off and on like Mr Hyde when he's disturbed or throwing tantrum on me and like Dr Jekyll when he's not throwing tantrum..)

Krystal >> Yugendra (can't remember what was his prob but he's really 'sick' in the mind!read krystal's blog for more info when she updates..btw, he really hates me!)

Wen Jo >> Shi Ying (4 yr old with autism, super active and this kid was the worst to handle!She likes to bite and she bit Jo real hard and she even bit me..Sob sob..I can still she the outline of her jaw on my arm!)

Xin Ying >> Tian Chang (down syndrome, kind of possessive of Ying)

Yoong Jie >> Yi Bin (Hyper active and autism I think...he loves to play with phones!You'll be surprized how well he can handle the phone.. )

Andrew >> I don't know the name of his kid cause I never heard Andrew calling him by the name but he's one seems the most normal and easy to handle though he does have some problems which freaked most of us..

Kumaran >> Isamuddin (ISA!!He's really cute but he is one of the hardest to handle cause he has CP which is kinda like he can't control he's body well.This is my fav kid next to mine!kumaran really turned father mode with Isa,from feeding to changing dypers! )

Dennis >> Logeswary (dunno her prob but she loves to argue with krystal's kid..)

Eunice >> Kwan Ming (hahaha...can't really recall the prob again but I think it's autism. He's the tallest kid we got and he really, really was hard to handle.Eunice was on the verge of dying..hahaa..)

Jessica >> The name escapes me, haha..but according to Jessica, her's was ok.

Jia Hui >> Nam Seng (Down Syndrome...he seems like a sweet kid)

Pon >> Can't remember the name but Pon seemed to have not much prob with his kid.

We had to handle our kid the moment we met them and it wasn't easy!! Mine and Kumaran's doesn't like to eat and thinks that water is enough to make them full! They are very very slow eaters and most of the time we're the last ones at the dinning area. haizz.. Kumaran had to feed his and mine only needs feeding when his care taker is not around. Damn smart of him actually...

After lunch my kid decided to throw a tantrum on me and it took me 45 min to get him out of the door! We went for an outing and there was a colouring competition held for the kids at the Clock Tower. Whee..joy! it's more like we were the ones doing the colouring! Mine decided to colour his in yellow only..I shall not blame him for his lack of taste in colour. Then we had games which I shall not go into detail as it soooo exciting.. Dinner was on our own so we agreed to treat our kids to KFC.

As we were walking to KFC, Kumaran said he needs to change Isa's dyper so I went with him to help. We were deciding either to go into the gals or the guys toilet so we decided to go into the guys..yes,I went into the guys toilet! Kumaran did all the work and I was just telling him what to do. While changing, plenty of Malay guys came in and when they saw me they were like, "OOH..perempuan.." They immediately checked the sign on the door and looked at me with a raised eye brow. Some even came in half way unzipping their pants! ARH...my mind is scared for life!! So we had to say "tukar pampers" over and over again whenever anyone came in. Glad that was the first and last time I'm ever gonna go into the guys toilet!!!

After all the dyper change we made our way to KFC and we got our kids whipped potato. Mine doesn't like to eat but when I got him the whipped potato..he doesn't need feeding anymore! He was scooping mouthfuls himself!!! Never look down on the disabled, for all you know they are just as smart! We nearly occupied half of the space in KFC and I pity the other customers there cause we were making a lot noise and off and on you'll hear us screaming at our kids..Haizz..It's like we all came to camp for a parenting course.

By night time after all the other sha-bangs..we had to bathe our kids. I envy people like Krystal and Andrew cause they're kids can bathe themselves, where as mine needs me to bathe him. After bathing, we brought them to the dining area and gave them supper and then they went for some session in the Pysio room while the volunteers (aka us) went for a really long and boring talk by Mr Jayasingh. By the time, the talk finished, it was bed time for the kids and when I went to collect my kid, he was already sound asleep. So I had to carry him back to our room which explains all the muscle ache I'm having now..

After putting them to bed it was our turn to bathe and after that all the MCKL students had a 'bitching' session like Tze Kang calls it. All of us were complaining about our own kid and it suddenly occured to us that it was only day 1!ONLY DAY 1!? OMG!!!!That session lasted till 1 and we had to sleep cause we need to wake up at 6 something to get ready before we wake the little 'angels'.


May 25,

My alarm went off at 6:15 and when I got up I felt my entire body aching from yesterday. Most of the volunteers were up at the same time and all of us have the same tired looks and some of us even have really heavy eye bags. Thank God that my kid was easy to wake but he has a problem with brushing his teeth,so I had to brush it for him. GREAT..

Everything was fine in the morning, breakfast was easily dealt with, my kid was really an angel today. We went for a community project right after breakfast to help a family of disabled adults and to cut the long story short, we had to clean the entire house, the garden and every where and we even painted the house! My group and Krystals group was in charge of painting whcih was not a bad job but it stinks and it was messy. Krystal's kid was giving her some problem while painting and he got little splats of paint all over her. Glad mine wasn't painting.

We got back for lunch and we had group practice for the party at night, my group was the lamest cause we're all too tired to think and we decided to just go on stage and sing some nursery ryhmes. Games was next and we played messy games aka water ballon. After all the throwing and stuff, we brought our kids to swim in the pool. I nearly had to jump into the pool to get my kid out but luckily Andrew helped.

I was really tired and since my kid was being a real angel the entire day, I left him with my room mate and went to look for Krystal in the Pysio room. hahaha...I needed a break la. Hmm..this is the interesting part, during games, I leaned on Krystal cause I was freaking exhausted and when Yugendra (her kid) saw he immediately pointed at me and said, "U jangan peluk sama dia,saya tak suka!!" which made the both of us burst out with laughter. So when I was chatting with Krystal in the Pysio room he was glaring at me and the two of us and Jia Hui decided to video him scolding me.

I shall upload it one day, when I get the video from Jia Hui. It was really funny,her kid was telling us all his wonderful plans of how to murder me. The 3 of us were really enjoying bullying him. Yugendra was actually very dirty and he was freaking Krystal out. He held Krystal's face during games yesterday, he kept asking Krytsal to bathe him and even asked her to sleep right next to him. So it's obvious this kid is getting very attached to her and shall I say he 'fell in love' with her???HAHAHAHAHA...I pity you Krystal!

During dinner Krystal didn't want to sit with Yugendra so she shifted to sit with me and my kid. The whole time Yugendra was glaring at me and Yoong Jie was sitting next to me, so we filled him in on the details. Yoong Jie was keeping an eye on him and we kept laughing everytime Yugendra turned to glare at me. Yoong Jie said it was as though he was ready to pounce on me and punch me or something. Me and Yoong Jie were joking that we should show the videos that Jia Hui took during next year's OB nite and the background music would be "Accidentally In Love".HAHAHAHAHA...Tze Kang was standing while eating behind Yugendra during dinner so he kept telling Tze Kang to 'JAGA' me and so call keep me away from Krystal. *sweat* Damn paranoid la this kid....

After the party, we had another 'bitching' session, by 1 most of us went to bed. I think at about 2 something in the morning Yoong Jie called me sounding a little worried..

"Carmen, hey sorry to disturb you. Is Krystal with you?"

'No,why?"

"Cause she is missing. We looked every where but we can't find her."

"Don't worry maybe she went to get ready leh.."


"Get ready for what??"

Then I sat up on my bed and only had the brains to ask this..

"What time is it?"

"It's 2 something"

"Oh,she should be sleeping in the Pysio room wad."

'She's not there. We all searched twice di."

"She's in the Pysio room la. She should be sleeping with another kid. Cause she doesn't wanna sleep with her's ma..Wait,I'll coming now."

I was actually worried by this time and I went out of the room immediately. Yoong Jie met up with me near the play ground, we were approaching the Pysio room and the first thing I noticed outside was Krystal's slippers and as I was about to open the door I saw Ying and Jo coming out. I asked if Krystal was in there and the two smiled and said yes. Haiyoo....See Krystal, we're all so worried bout you. Yoong Jie kept apologizing for waking me and I immediately marched back to my room to sleep cause I was practically half awake only and I was afraid if I had walked any slower I would faint before reaching my room!


May 26,

YEAY!!!!!!Last day!LAST DAY! We're going to Sunway Lagoon today so we all packed our bags and went for breakfast. Again during breakfast Yugendra was going on and on bout his threats and he was standing bout just 3 meters away from the two of us. When Krystal saw him standing closer and closer, she immediately hugged me in front of him to ward him off..(it didn't really work...) Yugendra grabbed Kumaran and started ranting stuff to him in Tamil. Guess what he told Kumaran???? He told Kumaran to tell me that Krystal is his wife and he told Kumaran to tell Krystal that he loves her. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

At that point Krystal was really freaked out. I think she was glad that Kumaran agreed to trade kids with her for today so she didn't have to dread going to Sunway. Before getting up the bus Yugendra glared at me and said, "U jangan ikut dia!" Unfortunately Kumaran was in a different bus so Isa (his kid) had to follow him first. Me and Krystal sat together and my kid sat on my lap. The nearest seat to us which was empty was the one behind me so her kid took that seat and while Krystal was talking to me he was whispering threats to me on the other end. He was like, "kenapa u dua duduk sama-sama?U jangan peluk dia,kalau tak saya kena kau nanti". Damn psycho...

The entire ride was 3 hours and thank God, Yugendra shifted to sit with an Indian teacher in front or else I would not have any peace at all from that guy. Once we reached Sunway, Krystal immediately switched kids with Kumaran. Kumaran's kid had to use a wheel chair cause it would be easier to move him around. We actually started walking with everyone then after a while everyone went in different directions. So me and Krystal were left to handle the wheel chair alone. I'm amazed at the two of us cause we managed to push the wheel chair up and down the escalator without anyone's help! We brought the 2 kids for dry rides till 2 something near 3 then we decided to bring the two kids for swimming.

We managed them well and we didn't even have any problems with the two kids. Krystal didn't want to get all wet so I took care of Isa while she took mine during swimming cause Isa needs someone to constantly hold him and carry him in and out of the pool. But Krystal still got all wet in the end..hahahaha, cause she stood directly under the big bucket of water that tilts every 5 minutes. So much for staying dry eh??By 5,we all were heading back for the bus to send the kids off. For a moment it didn't occured to us that we were now free from handling the kids but we do miss them la. Ok,fine..I miss mine la,I miss Isa too, I definitely won't miss Krystal's devil though.

We didn't go home immediately, instead we (me,Krystal,Wen Jo,Xin Ying,Yoong Jie,Andrew & Kumaran) went for food at Kim Gary's. For 4 days we deprived from Chinese food and we were all very tired and hungry so we had to feed our growling stomachs first. After our meal, me, Krystal,Andrew and Kumaran took a cab to Kelana Jaya station.



It was fun when we were recalling all the memories we just made and laughed madly at most of them. Though we have much to complain and there's much we were unsatisfied with, we most definitely had fun and it was truely an eye openining experience! I think I wouldn't mind going again for this camp. After this experience I think most of us have changed the way we look at disabled people and I think most of us are no longer afraid of them like we used to be. More importantly I think most of us have learnt to embrace their disability and tried to get to know them like a normal people. Though I'm now down with fever, having sore throat, coughing my lungs out and having loads of muscle pain, I didn't regret going for this camp. In fact, I keep dreaming and thinking of Bethany Home since Monday night. I guess somethings does stay in your heart forever....

Whee...Holidays!!!ok ok fine...'study leave' Yes,the phrase speaks it all and yet what am I doing this very moment?? *drum roll* TA-DA >>> 'BLOGGING!' But it's good to know that I'm not the only one lazying about (ehm..ehm...like somebody who just went for lunch at 11:30) HAHAHAHA...

Well,tuesday..hmm now why does that ring a bell? Oh yea, my first paper is tommorow! Joy!!But anyway,I did study la..hahaha! Too chicken not to. Literature is kinda fun for me so I don't mind reading them. The best part of this week is the fact that I would be going to Teluk Intan,Perak with my college mates for the Bethany Home Camp.

BTW,this camp is not for our own enjoyment,we're there to help the children(special children) to have fun.It's something the lot of us chose as our community service. Do you know, they are having a party on the 2nd night???Guess what's the theme? BOLLYWOOD! Nope,I'm not going to wear a sari. Not in a million years!

Krystal is already getting ready all her junk food and Shandy for it which I bet is gonna be heavy to carry. No worries,if it gets too heavy I'm positive you'll make me carry it with you!

Where was I on saturday???Oh yea, I went out nearly the entire day and had a 'wonderful' dinner to celebrate my grandma's(dad's side) birthday. I hate going back there but oh well no choice la. Then my sunday went down the drain as I had to wake up early to go for my 2nd talk before I can get my L license. My instructor was very punctual today but the freaking lecturer only started at 10!

It was boring plus the room was freezing cold! I was shaking through out. Since it was so wonderfully 'informative' I messaged Krystal. So the entire time I was actually chatting...hahahaha. I wasn't the only one and besides there was a girl who sleeping through out the entire talk, even before the lecturer came in she was already dead asleep!

The lecturer was strict but he didn't bother bout that girl.Aiyaa...who cares anyway. The lecturer was a Indian guy,very very very very very SARCASTIC! One of the messages form Krystal was "My mom said indian guys are crazy drivers and there's one lecturing you. I wonder how will the student's driving turn out to be.." HAHAHAHA...I had to laugh cause I couldn't agree more. Then one of the other replys I got from her as I complain was, "Wait till they show you 'THE CAR'...What pictures are they showing now? Have you seen the 'car door'?" (a nickname that I can never escape from since I was named carmen..)

Then when I arrived home, I was starving cause the stupid lecturers didn't give us a lunch break and plus no one was at home but my maid and there wasn't much food in the fridge so my maid cooked maggi mee for me. Haizz...maggi mee again,like as if I didn't have enough of them in college. Krystal suggested that I should tell my parents to 'da bao' McD for me as she said they're very 'filling' but guess what time they came home??? 6:45!!!!! Thank God I didn't wait or else I would be dead and you'll see tommorow's headlines as, "GIRL DIES OF STARVATION IN HER OWN HOME!"

Well,dinner time came and I got a message from Joseph while eating mouthfuls of buffet food, "Call me.I got big business to give you." I was sorta blurred then he messaged again,"I got 400 ppl coming down to KL. Interested?" So I called him and he passed the line to his aunt who spoke to me in a very business like manner. I didn't really know how to answer and therefore chucked the phone to my mom. Looks like everyone knows my family is in this line...hahahaha...keep advertising for me ppl...!

And yesterday was a boring day, cause I spent the entire day reading my lit...which I need to get back to now. Haizzz.................

Oh well...bye bloggy.

KEN LEE!?

My bro found this video on you tube. Hahahahaha...this is the Bulgarian Music Idol. I guess you can say, all the idol shows around the globe face the same problems, tone death maniacs, horrible singers who has terrible memory and now even someone who turns english into well some chant like language.Please watch the video and have a good laugh. I was nearly rolling on the ground whilst laughing! The subtitles are the funny part,so just watch it ppl. Enjoy and have a good laugh!

Oh,by the way... I advise you to finish loading it before you watch it or else you won't laugh as much. =p

WARNING : This video may cause unstoppable laughter and you may not be able to get the song out of your head.




KEN LEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!Tulibu dibu douchoo~

Monday,arh...monday blues. This is definitely the day I dislike most out of the 7 of a week. I was just browsing through my previous posts and well I noticed that none of them makes much sense to anyone but me. I've been posting a lot about my family and well the internal things,hopefully I'll skip those today.

It's the 5th day my parents are in China and I'm definitely enjoying the freedom. Heck, I didn't even go to college today because there's the PTA thing today and besides I only have one class for today, so hahaha...skipped.

It's already May, gosh time does fly and off and on it's going a bit too quick. Yet there are the times that drags on for seemingly ages. Oh yea, Happy Belated Birthday Melanie & Happy Birthday Grandma!!!! (mel's bday was yesterday and my grandma's today)

May.... exams are coming but I'm still lazying out and the wedding which is much anticipated is also coming nearer. April was really packed with a lot of things and haizz...I feel kinda tired. I feel like I'm walking from one dream to another, everything just seems so surreal. Nothing makes much sense to me either. When will I wake up from this dream???

Dreams...or is it nightmares. *sigh* My head is swirlling with so much thought that it feels like I no longer live in reality but some other world locked deep inside my mind. I'm aware that I am walking in a trance without trying to open my eyes but how long can I keep up with it? How long more before I'll wake up to break down? I really wanna stop this train from going deeper and deeper into that tunnel.

Here I am again... This is one of those times where I seriously have no idea what to type at all. Life's been pretty boring actually, no big hoo-ha and everything just the way it is. Everything's in line and nothing seems to be out of the ordinary.

I'm begining to discover more and more secrets within my family and most of it I wished I didn't. Can I be satisfied with being kept in the dark from it all while it happens? Nope. Not one bit of me will be satisfied. Then again, could I handle it? All the emotions have now become so numbed and blow after blow makes one become so tired and in the end we stop bothering.

I'm naive at times. Naive enough to keep hoping to turn things around. Who am I anyway to try?

Indecisive. Something most humans are, we are stubborn as to what we want to get out of everything but after we attain it, is it enough? Is it really what we want? Is it that important at all? Unforgiving. I'll admit, I can be very unforgiving but after some time, we tend to be forgetful enough to remember how much anger and bitterness we had felt.

When my grandma tells me things, I could see all the anger, bitterness, and woe she had bottled up. Looking from the outside I hope she could find the courage to forgive and slowly forget but come to think of it, could I if it were me? The things we wish others could do, could we do it ourselves? The things we wished others would be, are we that??