I'll Be, Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

Chorus
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

Repeat Chorus

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

Repeat Chorus

Passer-by

Was there ever a time when you wanted to tell someone something but you never got to it because of 'circumstances'?I agree that it happens too often and most of the time it happens nearly everyday.I'm, not trying to give any one a hint or anything but the thought just passed my mind.

We see it in movies so often and most of the time things take a very unpredictable turn when the truth or at least the heart felt of the other is not said.Why am I posting this?*sigh*It's just that I'm begining to notice a lot of people around me found a difficulty in telling someone what's on their minds.Sometimes looking at them makes me ask myself if I had anything that I really wanted to say and I couldn't...Then I will start to notice that I do feel the ache of not being able to say it.

Yea,I have to also agree that this is a very dicey affair,one wrong word and you can damage someone for good.It's kinda funny how powerful words can be sometimes.They say actions speaks louder than words but sometimes I think words are worst off then actions.Just with words we can either make or break someone.We constantly debate with the inner us; 'say'....'don't say'.

It seems like this is making our lives just a whole lot more complicated and it tends to take a tonne of strength and happiness from us.I don't know bout you,but I have seen a lot of them...theirs eyes are screaming a message, a plea of help but they couldn't get it across.When we tend to go all emo it shows in our eyes but I'm talking bout those who every second of the day is wearing a mask so well that they leave all their emotions undetected.It's weird when humans find speaking hard,they'll tend to speak with their eyes.

Everyone does obviously but there are some that really conceals all their pain in them.For me,I find it painful to see someone like that.I know there's a plea,sadness in them but so often I'm not the one to say anything to comfort them.I had no right....but sometimes seeing them like that really makes my heart aches.Sometimes being a passer-by isn't easy,we feel like stretching our hand to say,"Hey,it's hard but would you let me help you where ever I can?"

Humans are just the most unpredictable and hard to get,we tend to feel the pain of those around us and we feel stupid and just useless when knowing there's nothing we can do.Breaking the truth is painful but not doing anything is as painful.Picture this,a doctor tells you this as you wait outside the emergency ward,"I'm sorry but I'm afraid there's nothing more we could do.There isn't anymore that you can do,all you can do now is wait and prepare yourself for the worst..."

Another random quote;
We shed tears,feel hurt and despair when we know the ultimate 'truth';we only watch helplessly from a distance not being of any use to know those who are dear to us are aching with unspeakable sorrow...

Okay,this is really embarrassing...I was on the phone with Isabel as I was walking to the balcony where I can see the basketball court.There was a lecturer standing there but he never taught me so I didn't exactly know who he is.Isabel was telling me bout the basketball club and I asked her which teacher was in charge.She said it was the accounts lecturer,and guess what I blurted out aloud????"Accounts teacher?I dunno whose the accounts teacher..."

Lo and Behold,the lecturer next to me spoke,"I'm the accounts lecturer.Are you looking for me?"I was stunned and I felt like a total nut.Isabel heard on the other end and began to roar with laughter.Sorry,sir!He was laughing too...I was like totally lost and dumb.Oh well,good way to meet someone,don't cha think???hahahahahahahaha!!!!

It's the 13th of February...wow,it's Valentine's tommorow.hmm....wonder what should I get for my friends...what should I get for you,Rong??hahaha,I know you will say nothing though.It's been a while since I last met you,wonder have you changed or something.But I have a feeling you'll answer me "same old same old.."

Wen Jo and Xin Ying said they and Marcus got me something for Valentine's,I wonder what are the three up to.Nothing mischievous ya,hahaha...well gotta go!

I'm just at lost of words.Haizz...during Pre-U yesterday,dunno why someone nominated me to run for the Freshie Queen award on Orientation Ball nite.I was stunned when I saw my name on the board and all I know is one action>>>JAW DROP!OMG!WHAT!?I least expected such things,but oh well,can't do anything bout it...haizz...9 more days till OB nite.Haizzz

Oh,Valentine's Day is just around the corner!Happy Be-early Valentine's everyone!!!!!May you find your other half/soul mate that day.My dear brother came back from Cambodia yesterday and when I walked into my own room,I found a nice Cambodia shirt.it's the simple white and really thin material with a simple design near the neck line in blue,the best shirt he has ever bought me...seriously!

haizz...ok,Mom's calling.I gotta go home.Oh,she's going to Taiwan tommorow,hehehehe....freedom!!!!Bye!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kung Hei Fatt Choi,Ang Pow na lai!Well,it's new years again.That means...new clothes,new shoes,ang pows,food and holiday!Unfortunately my college only gave us till tomorrow,so my holiday ends tomorrow...sob sob...why la????

Anyway,new years has been okay so far.The usual I go to your house and you come to mine thing...and of course food here and there.I got ang pows..duh!not a lot but,it's ok.I don't gamble so my little fortune is spared.(phew!)I never enjoyed spending new years with my father's side but I really enjoy it with my mother's side.

There's too much history to sort out on my dad's side,but long story short,I just don't like it there.Yesterday,when I went to my grandma's(mom's side),it was packed with people in there that I thought I was in the wrong house.I got ang pows the moment I went in!Then all of us went house hopping...We went to our relatives house just next door and we stuffed her housed full of noisy people.hahahaha....Aunty Irene is the biggest of the cousins my mom has so everyone was begging ang pows from her,and I mean everyone(exclu my grandparents la)!

She was confused because there were seriously too many faces in there and too much noise.She left out me and my youngest uncle.When she finished handing out as she thought she had,she was asking if she left out anyone,when I said I did she didn't believe me.Of course she didn't,everyone was yelling that they were left out too...haiyoo...my crazy family.Mind you the ones who were yelling the loudest were my uncles and aunties.Hahaha...But she did give me one later after dinner.

New years is always crazy over there...my darling brother is however not enjoying this with us.Where is he??He's in Cambodia,tour leading,he sms few times but we didn't really bother.hahaha...he bought me this white tribe costume last year from Kunming and I was supposed to wear it with 2 of my younger cousins but I didn't.Since he's not here to make sure I do,so why bother rite? :p

Oh wait...I left out one piece of good news!My youngest uncle is finally getting married!!!!!!!Everyone is very happy and excited bout it.We were practically interogating him for details and for the planning.He's the youngest and it's been so long since we planned such events so all his sisters(including my mom) are estatic to plan it for their little brother.Seems that I'm gonna be the bride's maid and Ed's the best man.Ivan will be the fellow that opens the door or something,all my younger cousins are gonna be what me n Ed used to be;the little flower girls and paige boys.

I have a long history of being the flower girl,me n Ed were a pair,there was once my mom said there were too many people wanted us to be their flower girl and paige boy that we were rushing from one wedding to another!hahaha....now that is no longer my job.My poor uncle was sitting obediently and letting us interogate him (not like he's got anywhere to run anyway..)Thinking bout this really puts a smile on everyone's face and they are sending my mom over to Taiwan as a representative since she's leaving for it next week.Btw,my uncle's fiance is a Taiwanese.She's really very nice and sweet which makes her the best match we could ever want for our dear uncle to have!

Congrats Uncle Weng!I shall scrape a big ang pow from you on that day!RM 9999.99! HAHAHAHAHA!Happy CNY ppl!

Closure...What does that mean to you???Keeping secrets all to yourself,hiding things from everyone,putting on a mask and let no one know what's really going on;that's closure for me.Everyone wears a mask,it's no unfimiliar fact but sometimes are we really naive enough to think that no one really wears one.

Most of the time,I tend to wear one not because I have any big secrets that the world can't find out but because I don't want to be a 'mood spoiler'.It really ruins others' day when we look so caught up with our own emotions and when we do that we put the ones who are close to us to a unnecessary worry.Sometimes it's really painful and heavy when we bottle up inside but what choice do we have?Seriously,what else could we do about it?

My problems compared to so many others out there is like insignificant but...when your drowning in pain,how sensitive can you be?

I'm always the happy go lucky type as people often say but seriously....you all sure bout that???I'm too talkative and when I see someone looking all sad,I can't help but ask.We're only human rite?Sometimes,they'll tell but most of the time there's always this stop sign there.We can't intrude,it's not our right anyway but sometimes I really wish for once,maybe just once someone did barge in.It will definitely make me feel annoyed and agitated but at the same time the burden is no longer so heavy...it's like when someone finally knows your deepest secret and you tend to feel so much safer with him/her.

It's a delibrate act of trespass but...think about it,when someone knows your deepest pain and was there..you would finally feel like there was a place of comfort,a place to take refuge when those emotions would take us as prisoners again.I can't explain what that feels like when it does happen but so far,for me,that has only happened once.There was a knock on the door to all my sorrow,it was encouraging me to open up and unknowingly...I opened the door.

It was like the gigantic tupperware finally cracked and all it's contents were spilling out without the stop sign anymore.Everything seems to fall in place when I did spill out everything.It's not that I'm encouraging anyone to let others intrude in your personal life...we're not really blind when we do open that door.After all,we are the smartest being on planet earth..

Now that I recall it,it was like a hand that just fished me out of the deepest seas of sorrow.I didn't really bother or cared anymore if I drown in there...I just wanted to indulge in them.I didn't want to break free from it,I couldn't even if I wanted to,the pain is too much to handle.But that hand...it just fished me out,didn't even asked or stopped,it just happened so quickly.When I regained consciousness,I felt light and it was like I woke up from a nightmare.I didn't even know it was a nightmare until I was looking from the other side.

It's funny how we see and analyse things when we are on one side and when we're on the other.It's true when they said the ones who are on the outside can see things much more clearer than the ones inside it.I'm still drowning...so are you,but are we willing to grab that hand extended to us?Are we willing to take away the stop sign?

Are we willing to just continously drown in our sorrows,pain and sadness without even trying to save ourselves???

It's not easy,it never is and never will be...but it's the only clean break.

It starts in my toes,and I crinkle my nose...Where ever it goes,I always know,
You make me smile,please stay for a while now..Just take your time,where ever
you go...


I'm in love with this song!!!!!So sweet and just dreamy!I'm feeling bubbly now...Arh...so tired!It's been another week in college and the assigments are getting harder but I have to admit it's cool!I just got my student ID and well I guess I'm stuck with having my secondary school picture there,when I handed my application to my dad to hand in for me I didn't know he handed that picture in!Everyone keeps going,"Aw...So cute!how old were you!?"oh well...I'll live.

I was at edu fair last week with my family there and I found out a lot about what route I could take after I graduate next year from college.Well,God it's still in your hands!

A lot is happening around me and before I go on...Jane dear!CONGRATS!!!!!!happy for you my dear,glad you made it to William Angliss!We go out soon ya!Everyone's finally moved on and it is just blissful to know that there's so much more exciting beginings in everybody's lives.I'm off to camp tomorrow afternoon after college.We are going to Pulau Ketam for our school field trip which reminds me...I haven't packed my bags yet.hahahaha...better get to it then!

Oh yea,Rong!Good luck with your audition!You can do it!Oh n I have a msg from HIM, "Just take the road laid out for you now,one step at a time.Follow your heart!Make the most out of this and remember I am with you always....Always and forever!Take the plunge to uncharted waters and shine all you can.You never know what might surprize you...be hopeful and trust yourself on it!" Hope to hear from you soon....for now,GAMBATTE!Love ya!