*sigh* Alas..... I didn't get it again. Oh well, there's always a silver lining to everything. So I'll keep my chin up and think positive! I didn't fidget this time, was pretty calm actually. The lecture was pretty similar to last years' but the questions were so much harder!! This year there was 4 rounds instead of 3. Wah...more work!

Round 1 : I got one mistake out of 25 questions.

Round 2 : 7 mistakes out of 15!!

I was really very encouraged by all the sms I recieved. Thanks people! Love all of ya! But something did make me tear up a little.

My Dad...*sigh*

(in the car)

"Carmen..."

"yea"

"why do always join so much of all these 'crap' (he said the crap part in chinese which is > "gao si lap sap") ?"

"..."

"Like just now, your suppose to have an advantage over others cause you joined last year. Why didn't you read the notes you got last year? Why didn't you prepare enough? Waste of time..!"


By this time, I couldn't stop the tears welling up from my eyes. I feel like scolding back but I just couldn't. One, I don't wanna start a stupid arguement out of this. Two, I don't need to explain myself to an arrogant father like you! The only reason I joined the competition is to get the scholarship, which is to say to relief my dad's burden! He just retired in March and he just started a new job in June, I know the pay is less and it's taxing to have 3 kids especially when the first 2 are already out of secondary school.

I won't even need to try to get that scholarship if I don't care about your wallet! Excuse me! Why can't you be more encouraging! Even my friends can encourage me better than you did! Your my father! Your suppose to be my role model! I can't forgive him for what he said though I know I should. I can't do it now,cause I can't. How painful was that!?

Crap??? Can you please regard what is important to me with more respect! Yea, it's not exactly a swell idea that I come back late the past 3 weeks because of all the events in college that I had to be involved in but I don't usually get involved! I've never been involved until I came to college! I'm growing up! Teenagers are usually more active and we do have more stuff going on than adults! Sorry that I want to get involved!

I mean it's all good exposure! Not like your daughter is going to some night club or mixing with the wrong people! I'm doing this with your full knowledge and consent! How dare you regard all these as crap!? How can you ask for my respect when you can't even respect me?? You never scold Ed when he gets involved with all these stuff, even the things he joined outside college! Why me?

Fine...I'm a girl, yea it's a dangerous world, yea, I need to be more careful, yea, I'm your only girl but hey...this can't be a long term excuse. Yes, your worried but please don't regard my stuff as crap! Watch what you say! You have just permenantly scared your daughter! You can never repay nor mend what you just broke with those words! I'll definitely forgive you but not now...not today...I don't know how to convince myself.

When you don't like it, you put on a black face and everyone has to let you scold them or let you push them over as you like! What kind of parenting is that!? Can't you say things in a better way? Just because your stupid temper, your children has to hide in their rooms, your wife has to find an excuse to busy herself with whatever she can find to do, our entire schedule for the day is disrupted because of you! Sometimes I don't blame Ed for saying he wants to get out of this house.

Yea, we understand your getting old, so your temper is worse but hey, don't go about bitching just because you had a bad day! Don't go about ruining other people's days just because your in a a bad mood! I'm not as great as other people, I don't know how to forgive so quickly.. I find it hard..very hard in this moment. Just so you know...I've never asked nor begged my dad for anything in my entire existance! I didn't dare! The three of us never dared to get him angry or pissed, we never asked for toys, we never even ask for candy!

Just once...just once...why can't you acknowledge us for anything??? Why can't you just support us??


I've had my say here....I've let out everything here....I'll say no more..